So, you are saying it is difficult for you to make decisions?
"As you become more clear about who you really are, you will be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around." - Oprah Winfrey
If the title of this article prompted you to read a bit more about this topic, then I am sure you are one of those people…who can’t make a decision. Well, welcome aboard… You are not the only one.
Before diving into the topic itself, I would like to point out my experiences gathered by working with people as to why it seems so difficult for us to make decisions, especially life changing ones. Just take a close look at your life. From the moment you were born, you were programmed, you were told what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable in a certain culture and what is not. What is beautiful and what is ugly. You didn’t have to make up your mind, you were told those things. Knowing the fact that we are social creatures, none of us wants to be isolated; therefore we conform to society’s rules and live by them without even questioning whether they are true or false.
In my opinion this is the first and critical point that makes us lazy when it comes to making decisions, because we become accustomed to the fact that we are told what is good for us, who we are, what we should do in life and what we need to live a normal life. When we go to school, we are again exposed to the system that, instead of developing our own thinking and creativity, forces us to become obedient and comply with the rules. The story continues when we find ourselves a job; where we just listen to what we are supposed to do.
Now I am asking you, if you are not encouraged to think for yourself, do things for yourself, how on earth will you develop the ability to make your own decisions? Well, without discipline and turning back inwards, I don’t think you will ever manage.
That is why I am always encouraging people to take some time to discover who they are, what drives and inspires them, what they really want to do instead of just blindly following some agenda that doesn’t work for most people. I don’t think you can be happy, satisfied and fulfilled in your life without standing firmly on your feet, knowing yourself and building a life around your core values and beliefs.
Returning back to our decision making process, there is one more fact to mention. We were taught to make decisions rationally. Make an informed decision. That is what we were told. I agree. You should not jump too fast and decide without taking a look at the bigger picture, but in the end I help my clients to make decisions based on what feels right and truthful for themselves.
Now the final question arises; how do you make decisions that feel right and are truthful to yourself? Well here I can say only one thing. You need to realise that IQ Intelligence, that use to be highlighted so much through the last 50 or 60 years, definitely has to withdraw to Emotional and so called Intuitive Intelligence. Do we all possess Intuitive Intelligence? Yes we do. Can we all access it? On a few occasions in life yes, but in order to make the best possible decisions all along, one must decide to return back to it’s core. One must decide to start paying attention to the unconscious processes that are going on in our minds and consequently in our bodies. How we feel must become the highlight of our whole attention. If certain decision feels right, then you can be sure it is supported by your unconscious value and belief system and leads you towards more authentic and congruent life.
I should also add that we are so worried as to whether certain decisions will be right or wrong. We all strive to make the right ones, but are terrified of making the wrong ones. Bringing the following fact that I have learnt in the Buddhist monastery into my consciousness, really changed my attitude towards making big life-changing decisions. "There is no right or wrong decision in life. It is just a decision. You always prescribe it’s meaning."
Therefore, make a decision that feels right for you in a certain moment in time and then transfer all of your energy into making it the right one. Don’t let your mind wander and question what would have happened if you had made a different decision. I am telling you, whatever you picture in your mind, how your life would be different if you took a different decision, is just a stupid game that your mind is playing with you. The scenario only lives in your imagination. You have no idea what would happen in reality if you really took a different decision. Because one thing is certain, the future is unpredictable. Therefore instead of daydreaming how a different decision would have made your life better, transfer all of your energy into making the taken decision the right decision!